Haven't been able to get online much recently. He showed up every day for past 10 days or so and it's been awful and it's sort of hard to go to an Apple store when you're constantly being followed by a guy with no face. I didn't sleep much, and when I did I only dreamed about the voice of a girl and dark tunnels and trees (but not the kind that talk, the kind that attack me). I use to never dream and now I do every time I sleep in an odd sort of almost awake way. My eyes don't seem closed, but when I wake up they open and I feel like I haven't slept at all, or I've slept for so long when really it's only been an hour or 2. Luckily the past few days have been better. I saw Him less, and then haven't seen Him all day. I think I stayed in the same places too long. Now I'm in a place right next to FAO and an Apple store, so it's pretty sweet. A little busy for me, but that's ok.
In any case seeing Him constantly and having to figure out how to run made me realize I've never talked about how Slenderman moves. I've actually been asked this a few times, mostly in relation to Him moving you, and the answer is I'm not sure. Slenderman shouldn't be in our world, so it would make sense He doesn't move like us. When He moves you certainly don't move through space like you normally do, and he seems to pop up everywhere like a mother fucker but how? The answer is I'm not sure. I don't think anybody really is. The people who get moved by him rarely remember it and it's not like you can fucking ask him.
Unless you could. Conversations with Slenderman (Shaun I swear to god if you try to make this your next experiment I will knock your teeth out).
Oprah could do it.
James use to have a theory about it. 1 day we were sitting around in a house we had broken into (like you do), and talking about being moved. James had been moved recently and had taken an interest in it. I asked him what it was like to be teleported, if he remembered. He said 'Slenderman doesn't teleport. That's just how He moves.'
He said that Slenderman, because He's not suppose to be here, does live on the same space time plane as us. He's in a different sort of mathematical reality, so His perception and way of interacting with space and time are different. Basically Slenderman isn't teleporting from room to room, it's all the same to him. Going from 1 town to another is like walking into another room for Him. James thought that maybe when He touched you it messed up your own space time line and made you like Him, unstuck from time, and you could move around like Slenderman as long as He was touching you. That's why it's so painful when He touches you, because we're not suppose to be in reality like that.
We need space and time to live. Without it we can't even picture the universe. That's why when Slenderman touches us, it hurts, because the universe doesn't work the same way around Him and our bodies don't like that.
This isn't to say that Slenderman can be in 2 places at 1 time. If Slenderman is in your room He's not also attacking your buddy across the street. It's just that you need to walk with both space and time and Slenderman sometimes only walks with space.
Then James went back to reading Calvin and Hobbes and I thought about how bad I was at math.
I don't know if all that's true, but I do think Slenderman travels differently in time then us, and I don't think it's quite teleporting. Slenderman can go from 1 place to the next, but sometimes I feel like He's no where in our world at all. Not that He goes to another planet or something, but just not here. I didn't get enough of the math stuff James showed me to know if the stuff he said made sense, but I do think that Slenderman probably has a different perception of space in that sort of way.
As for all the time travel bullshit I don't know if I buy it. I get loosing time, but I don't know if I believe that people are going to sleep on Saturday and waking up on Friday. Being moved fucks with your brain and I think it's just people getting confused. Also it's hard to keep the date right when on the run. 1 time I knew somebody who thought they were being moved in time, but really was just writing the date wrong in their notebook because they had 2 calendars that said different things and kept switching off checking them each day. I've never known anybody who's actually time traveled, and I really don't think He can push you back and forth through time.
Also I think people think He's teleporting because he just sort of appears. But you never really see Slenderman appear like out of nowhere, He's just sort of there, like He stepped into another room. It's always slightly hard to look at Him and I think that's just because the way He's moving through time is hurting it and wrong and it's hard to look at for humans.
Also the fact He has no face and is coming to kill you doesn't help.
I think James went to sea because he was tired of being moved. It happened to him a lot, and I think he just wanted to stop that. I checked his notebook 1 time and it was full of math notes about how to stick himself in space and time. I think that's why he decided to get on a boat and never come back if it would never happen to him again.
That's why he left the land.
All this stuff is hard to say for sure, but I'll just tell you guys watch out because He is fast and is not moving the way we are. People tend to think Slenderman is slow because He's s slow walker, but it's not true. If you ever come up against Him in that way and can't get to a high spot or draw a symbol the best bet is to look at Him and slowly back away. People try to run and it doesn't work, he'll just get you when you have your back turned. It's not like if you blink He'll get you, He's not a fucking weeping angel, but you do have to look straight on and not stop until you're away. Even if it hurts. And if He hasn't seen you yet don't run, it just attracts His attention.
Short lesson today, but an important 1. I got some interesting emails, so I'll share those next time. Right now I have to get the fuck out of this Apple store. People keep asking me if I need help and I keep having to meet their icey gazes when I was no. Sorry, Apple, I was always a Dell guy. It runs Linux better. As always leave questions in the comments and keep emailing.
- M
Monday, August 16, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Fish
Elizabeth is gone. I realized what had happened a few hours after she posted about going down stairs and tried to go to where she was. I was on a roof and went down to the hallway of the building and I saw Him. He was standing there in front of me, just watching with His blank face. I stared back and I had a moment where I thought about closing my eyes and letting Him do whatever He was going to do. Then I had a sort of odd feeling. Like everything was shifting, and His head sort of tilted and He disappeared. I got moving after that and went back up to the roof and stayed there until morning. I went down and walked to where she had said she was. The diner she talked about was there and I went up to what I was pretty sure was where she was. I didn't find anything there, so I think that somebody else probably took the stuff, but it did look like somebody had been there. It smelled weird there, like ozone and fire. It was a pleasant smell.
After that I wasn't very well for a few days. After loosing Anthony and loosing Elizabeth I was about ready to sit down. I was so tired. I didn't know what to do.
I slept near the park for a few days. By the wall that separates the sidewalk from the trees. I knew it wasn't safe. I drew the operator symbol above me and that was it. Every night I'd look out over the trees and thought about sleeping in 1. I wondered what would happen. I didn't know what to do. I dreamed and all my dreams had a girl's voice talking to me in them. I would be walking down a road and hear the voice and feel like I hadn't walked at all, though the road behind me was long and far away. I didn't see Him. I still don't know why. You'd think that he would have picked me off when I was down below and not keeping my eyes open. I didn't see him, I wasn't moved, I didn't feel anything weird around me. I don't know why that is.
I had a dream on the last day I was there. A dream I remembered and was vivid and felt real like the other 1 I had. I was in the forest again. The mist made it seem gray and green and old. I looked around, wondering what I was doing there. The trees still seemed old and big. Then slowly, out of the trees, children came. They were white and transparent, like ghosts, but more firmly there. It was as if they were made of the mist. Their eyes were a sort of deep blue and they did not blink. They formed a sort of circle around me and looked at me. I starred at them, not feeling fear, or excitement, or much of anything.
'Find safety in the trees,' said 1 in front of me that I think was girl, though it seemed to vibrate against the trees and seem like all of them had said it.
'I don't know what that means!' I said louder then I had thought to.
'Find safety in the trees,' she said again and it echoed across the forest.
'What do you mean?' I asked.
'We are all together,' she said 'Like people. Like trees. Find safety in the trees.'
'The trees are dangerous!' I said and it felt like something was changing, like the wind had picked up except for that everything was blowing away.
'Not His trees,' she said 'the real trees. Find safety in the trees. We are all together. Like people. Like trees.'
Then everything seemed to sort of blow away and fade and she was in front of me, and took my hand. It felt like a jolt went through me, then just a sort of calm, soft joy. She looked up at me with her blue eyes, wide and staring at me with an calm kindness.
'There is a way to be safe,' she said.
Then she let go of my hand and sort of disappeared.
I woke up and it was day time. I pretty much jumped and walked away from the park. I walked away and tried to figure out what the dream could have meant. After a while I went to a store and checked my email.
Remember when I said I got an email from the guy with the just another fool email? I don't know if he's real or not. He sent me this:
'I saw him today
He didn't hurt me
I looked at him, and I saw not a monster, not a demon
But God
I realize now I was wrong to fear him
He was only watching over me, my angel
The flesh of fallen angels
My body no longer belongs to me, just as I deserve
It belongs to him, my God, my savior, my protector
I can help him
I can help him destroy those who would stand against him, and rally others
We can create paradise together
Just as you say, some may not be real
It will not matter
In time
You, the teacher
The strong man
The flood
She has dyed her hair red
And others
Perhaps
I cannot pretend to understand his infinite wisdom and grace
He does not speak to me
I am not worthy to hear his chorus
But I understand
I will help him
And I will begin
With
You'
After that I wasn't very well for a few days. After loosing Anthony and loosing Elizabeth I was about ready to sit down. I was so tired. I didn't know what to do.
I slept near the park for a few days. By the wall that separates the sidewalk from the trees. I knew it wasn't safe. I drew the operator symbol above me and that was it. Every night I'd look out over the trees and thought about sleeping in 1. I wondered what would happen. I didn't know what to do. I dreamed and all my dreams had a girl's voice talking to me in them. I would be walking down a road and hear the voice and feel like I hadn't walked at all, though the road behind me was long and far away. I didn't see Him. I still don't know why. You'd think that he would have picked me off when I was down below and not keeping my eyes open. I didn't see him, I wasn't moved, I didn't feel anything weird around me. I don't know why that is.
I had a dream on the last day I was there. A dream I remembered and was vivid and felt real like the other 1 I had. I was in the forest again. The mist made it seem gray and green and old. I looked around, wondering what I was doing there. The trees still seemed old and big. Then slowly, out of the trees, children came. They were white and transparent, like ghosts, but more firmly there. It was as if they were made of the mist. Their eyes were a sort of deep blue and they did not blink. They formed a sort of circle around me and looked at me. I starred at them, not feeling fear, or excitement, or much of anything.
'Find safety in the trees,' said 1 in front of me that I think was girl, though it seemed to vibrate against the trees and seem like all of them had said it.
'I don't know what that means!' I said louder then I had thought to.
'Find safety in the trees,' she said again and it echoed across the forest.
'What do you mean?' I asked.
'We are all together,' she said 'Like people. Like trees. Find safety in the trees.'
'The trees are dangerous!' I said and it felt like something was changing, like the wind had picked up except for that everything was blowing away.
'Not His trees,' she said 'the real trees. Find safety in the trees. We are all together. Like people. Like trees.'
Then everything seemed to sort of blow away and fade and she was in front of me, and took my hand. It felt like a jolt went through me, then just a sort of calm, soft joy. She looked up at me with her blue eyes, wide and staring at me with an calm kindness.
'There is a way to be safe,' she said.
Then she let go of my hand and sort of disappeared.
I woke up and it was day time. I pretty much jumped and walked away from the park. I walked away and tried to figure out what the dream could have meant. After a while I went to a store and checked my email.
Remember when I said I got an email from the guy with the just another fool email? I don't know if he's real or not. He sent me this:
'I saw him today
He didn't hurt me
I looked at him, and I saw not a monster, not a demon
But God
I realize now I was wrong to fear him
He was only watching over me, my angel
The flesh of fallen angels
My body no longer belongs to me, just as I deserve
It belongs to him, my God, my savior, my protector
I can help him
I can help him destroy those who would stand against him, and rally others
We can create paradise together
Just as you say, some may not be real
It will not matter
In time
You, the teacher
The strong man
The flood
She has dyed her hair red
And others
Perhaps
I cannot pretend to understand his infinite wisdom and grace
He does not speak to me
I am not worthy to hear his chorus
But I understand
I will help him
And I will begin
With
You'
It's a lovely poem really.
As you could probably already guess I was pretty pissed off to read this. I had lost 2 people I had tried to help in less then a month, 1 who was a friend, and now some guy with a just another fool email was sending me fucked up poems. I was pissed off and I sent back a pretty threatening email, but even afterwards I was still angry. How dare he threaten the people around me, or anybody who is already dealing with all this in general, or the people who were connected to them. It made me realize something. Even if I do not save somebody, even if I don't know how to fight Slenderman and only how to get away from Him, and even if I can't get everybody to team up or even team up if somebody wanted me to, I can still try to save people. With the blog, and by giving people information, and answering questions and doing whatever I can. I just need to keep going. We all just need to keep going. Because if we don't, then all the people who write crazy emails win.
No lesson again in this entry. sorry guys. I guess that's what loosing 2 people in less then a month does to you. I'll do 1 soon though. In any case I drew this on the building I slept on last night as a sort of memorial. I don't usually do that kind of stuff but still. As always, though I doubt there will be this time, leave questions or anything in the comments and email if you need anything.
- M
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Teams
The past week has been shit. I mean more then usual which is saying something. Anthony from Lost Time is dead, which was probably harder on me then it should have been since I never met him and shouldn't care as much. I know it's all just stupid shit, like him reminding me of my brother, and the him being so young, but still it's hard. I've always tended to encounter people before but we always sort had an agreement that we would split up at some point. We were just watching each other because we were going down the same path at the time and would eventually not see each other anymore because we'd have to move, or would need to be alone, or die. Mimi, James, Warrner, Shandi, they were all the same. People I met on the road but not really friends. A lot of it was because teaming up, as I've said is dangerous, but also a lot of it was because we knew we were all marked and humans.
And humans have the unpleasant habit of dying. Especially people in our group.
Recently though, after starting this blog, I keep talking to people, hearing their stories and it's different. I don't know why but it is. It's weird not being lonely, or as lonely. Right before he died and locked me in the water tower my brother said something to me. He knew everybody was gone. He knew we would have to leave soon, even though I didn't want to. He walked me up to the water tower and we stood up there. The water tower had a sort of rail around it and a small gate. You unlocked the gate and could get to the ladder on the side of the tower. We stood up there, watching the sky, and then he began to walk around the little pathway, in a circle, not saying anything for a minute.
"What are you doing?" I asked, turning to look at him.
"We're really in trouble, M, this is serious," he said not looking at me.
I didn't say anything, just watched him pace some more, making laps around the tiny circle we were in. He stopped at the little gate and looked out into the sky. The sun was setting and the sky was turning an orange sort of colour.
"This can't go on much longer," he said quietly.
"What do you mean?" I asked "there's nothing we can do. We can't just give ourselves to him! We just have to keep going. There has to be something we can do."
"There's something we can do yeah," he said "I'm gonna try. I'm gonna take that asshole down."
"Yeah!" I said "Let's do it! When are you planning it?"
"Tonight," he said.
And then he sort of bolted as best you can in such a small area. He opened the gate and jumped onto the ladder. I ran over and saw him tugging at the lock in the gate.
It was an old water tower. That lock was breaking anyway.
He looked up at me, standing on the ladder. I think at this point I had realized the gate wouldn't open and was screaming at him. I don't remember what I screamed. I just remember trying to get the rusty gate open and looking at my brother on the other side of it, an odd look on his face. He looked regretful and sad and determined and in the end he just looked tired.
He looked at me with his sad eyes behind his stupid glasses as I screamed at him.
"Try to make friends, M," he said "You have to stay safe and get moving soon, but none of that is worth it if you don't have anybody. You have to go and find new people. Do that for me ok?"
And then he climbed down the ladder and ran back to our house. I stayed in the water tower all night. I finally got the gate open in the morning and went back to the house.
My brother was dead, I left, and didn't follow the last advice he gave me.
It's dangerous walking around in groups. 2 people are dangerous, a whole group would make Him even stronger and you more of a target. Rereading this blog less then a month ago I wrote that I didn't want to team up with anybody. It was too dangerous and there was no reason to.
Now I'm not so sure.
I've met so many people recently. People who need help, or are on the road too, or are just trying to stay alive. People keep talking about meeting up, and now I don't know. Maybe it would be better. Even if it does make Him stronger maybe a group would be strong and safer. I don't really think the rules can change that easily or that being in groups is safe. I've never thought that.
But then I use to think the trees were save when I 1st started out.
I still feel like things are changing. There are still shifts in the air sometimes. I don't know why, or what it means but I just feel things are changing. I don't know if that means he's getting stronger, or weaker or just changing. But thing feel different and now I know other people feel it too.
Things are changing, and maybe that means it's time to start putting together teams.
I never thought I'd say that. But then I never thought I'd touch a tree either.
And I did that yesterday.
Not like close to it, there was a wall in between us. But still. I grazed the side of it with my finger tips.
Then I ran about 5 miles away from there as fast as I could, got up onto the highest building I know and came back to my senses.
So maybe it is time to team up. Because things are changing. Zeke and Anthony are both gone, if not dead. He took out 2 people in less then a month. He's changing. We need to change too to beat him, and maybe that means, if not fighting back, at least teaming up. And I don't know if I can deal with somebody else dying near me anytime soon. As unrealistic as that sounds.
Sorry this isn't a real lesson today, guys. I'll try to do 1 soon. As always, though I doubt there will be about any of my personal bullshit, leave all you questions or anything in the comments and keep the emails coming! Now I'm gonna try to find something cheap to eat and a place up high.
- M
And humans have the unpleasant habit of dying. Especially people in our group.
Recently though, after starting this blog, I keep talking to people, hearing their stories and it's different. I don't know why but it is. It's weird not being lonely, or as lonely. Right before he died and locked me in the water tower my brother said something to me. He knew everybody was gone. He knew we would have to leave soon, even though I didn't want to. He walked me up to the water tower and we stood up there. The water tower had a sort of rail around it and a small gate. You unlocked the gate and could get to the ladder on the side of the tower. We stood up there, watching the sky, and then he began to walk around the little pathway, in a circle, not saying anything for a minute.
"What are you doing?" I asked, turning to look at him.
"We're really in trouble, M, this is serious," he said not looking at me.
I didn't say anything, just watched him pace some more, making laps around the tiny circle we were in. He stopped at the little gate and looked out into the sky. The sun was setting and the sky was turning an orange sort of colour.
"This can't go on much longer," he said quietly.
"What do you mean?" I asked "there's nothing we can do. We can't just give ourselves to him! We just have to keep going. There has to be something we can do."
"There's something we can do yeah," he said "I'm gonna try. I'm gonna take that asshole down."
"Yeah!" I said "Let's do it! When are you planning it?"
"Tonight," he said.
And then he sort of bolted as best you can in such a small area. He opened the gate and jumped onto the ladder. I ran over and saw him tugging at the lock in the gate.
It was an old water tower. That lock was breaking anyway.
He looked up at me, standing on the ladder. I think at this point I had realized the gate wouldn't open and was screaming at him. I don't remember what I screamed. I just remember trying to get the rusty gate open and looking at my brother on the other side of it, an odd look on his face. He looked regretful and sad and determined and in the end he just looked tired.
He looked at me with his sad eyes behind his stupid glasses as I screamed at him.
"Try to make friends, M," he said "You have to stay safe and get moving soon, but none of that is worth it if you don't have anybody. You have to go and find new people. Do that for me ok?"
And then he climbed down the ladder and ran back to our house. I stayed in the water tower all night. I finally got the gate open in the morning and went back to the house.
My brother was dead, I left, and didn't follow the last advice he gave me.
It's dangerous walking around in groups. 2 people are dangerous, a whole group would make Him even stronger and you more of a target. Rereading this blog less then a month ago I wrote that I didn't want to team up with anybody. It was too dangerous and there was no reason to.
Now I'm not so sure.
I've met so many people recently. People who need help, or are on the road too, or are just trying to stay alive. People keep talking about meeting up, and now I don't know. Maybe it would be better. Even if it does make Him stronger maybe a group would be strong and safer. I don't really think the rules can change that easily or that being in groups is safe. I've never thought that.
But then I use to think the trees were save when I 1st started out.
I still feel like things are changing. There are still shifts in the air sometimes. I don't know why, or what it means but I just feel things are changing. I don't know if that means he's getting stronger, or weaker or just changing. But thing feel different and now I know other people feel it too.
Things are changing, and maybe that means it's time to start putting together teams.
I never thought I'd say that. But then I never thought I'd touch a tree either.
And I did that yesterday.
Not like close to it, there was a wall in between us. But still. I grazed the side of it with my finger tips.
Then I ran about 5 miles away from there as fast as I could, got up onto the highest building I know and came back to my senses.
So maybe it is time to team up. Because things are changing. Zeke and Anthony are both gone, if not dead. He took out 2 people in less then a month. He's changing. We need to change too to beat him, and maybe that means, if not fighting back, at least teaming up. And I don't know if I can deal with somebody else dying near me anytime soon. As unrealistic as that sounds.
Sorry this isn't a real lesson today, guys. I'll try to do 1 soon. As always, though I doubt there will be about any of my personal bullshit, leave all you questions or anything in the comments and keep the emails coming! Now I'm gonna try to find something cheap to eat and a place up high.
- M
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