The past week has been shit. I mean more then usual which is saying something. Anthony from Lost Time is dead, which was probably harder on me then it should have been since I never met him and shouldn't care as much. I know it's all just stupid shit, like him reminding me of my brother, and the him being so young, but still it's hard. I've always tended to encounter people before but we always sort had an agreement that we would split up at some point. We were just watching each other because we were going down the same path at the time and would eventually not see each other anymore because we'd have to move, or would need to be alone, or die. Mimi, James, Warrner, Shandi, they were all the same. People I met on the road but not really friends. A lot of it was because teaming up, as I've said is dangerous, but also a lot of it was because we knew we were all marked and humans.
And humans have the unpleasant habit of dying. Especially people in our group.
Recently though, after starting this blog, I keep talking to people, hearing their stories and it's different. I don't know why but it is. It's weird not being lonely, or as lonely. Right before he died and locked me in the water tower my brother said something to me. He knew everybody was gone. He knew we would have to leave soon, even though I didn't want to. He walked me up to the water tower and we stood up there. The water tower had a sort of rail around it and a small gate. You unlocked the gate and could get to the ladder on the side of the tower. We stood up there, watching the sky, and then he began to walk around the little pathway, in a circle, not saying anything for a minute.
"What are you doing?" I asked, turning to look at him.
"We're really in trouble, M, this is serious," he said not looking at me.
I didn't say anything, just watched him pace some more, making laps around the tiny circle we were in. He stopped at the little gate and looked out into the sky. The sun was setting and the sky was turning an orange sort of colour.
"This can't go on much longer," he said quietly.
"What do you mean?" I asked "there's nothing we can do. We can't just give ourselves to him! We just have to keep going. There has to be something we can do."
"There's something we can do yeah," he said "I'm gonna try. I'm gonna take that asshole down."
"Yeah!" I said "Let's do it! When are you planning it?"
"Tonight," he said.
And then he sort of bolted as best you can in such a small area. He opened the gate and jumped onto the ladder. I ran over and saw him tugging at the lock in the gate.
It was an old water tower. That lock was breaking anyway.
He looked up at me, standing on the ladder. I think at this point I had realized the gate wouldn't open and was screaming at him. I don't remember what I screamed. I just remember trying to get the rusty gate open and looking at my brother on the other side of it, an odd look on his face. He looked regretful and sad and determined and in the end he just looked tired.
He looked at me with his sad eyes behind his stupid glasses as I screamed at him.
"Try to make friends, M," he said "You have to stay safe and get moving soon, but none of that is worth it if you don't have anybody. You have to go and find new people. Do that for me ok?"
And then he climbed down the ladder and ran back to our house. I stayed in the water tower all night. I finally got the gate open in the morning and went back to the house.
My brother was dead, I left, and didn't follow the last advice he gave me.
It's dangerous walking around in groups. 2 people are dangerous, a whole group would make Him even stronger and you more of a target. Rereading this blog less then a month ago I wrote that I didn't want to team up with anybody. It was too dangerous and there was no reason to.
Now I'm not so sure.
I've met so many people recently. People who need help, or are on the road too, or are just trying to stay alive. People keep talking about meeting up, and now I don't know. Maybe it would be better. Even if it does make Him stronger maybe a group would be strong and safer. I don't really think the rules can change that easily or that being in groups is safe. I've never thought that.
But then I use to think the trees were save when I 1st started out.
I still feel like things are changing. There are still shifts in the air sometimes. I don't know why, or what it means but I just feel things are changing. I don't know if that means he's getting stronger, or weaker or just changing. But thing feel different and now I know other people feel it too.
Things are changing, and maybe that means it's time to start putting together teams.
I never thought I'd say that. But then I never thought I'd touch a tree either.
And I did that yesterday.
Not like close to it, there was a wall in between us. But still. I grazed the side of it with my finger tips.
Then I ran about 5 miles away from there as fast as I could, got up onto the highest building I know and came back to my senses.
So maybe it is time to team up. Because things are changing. Zeke and Anthony are both gone, if not dead. He took out 2 people in less then a month. He's changing. We need to change too to beat him, and maybe that means, if not fighting back, at least teaming up. And I don't know if I can deal with somebody else dying near me anytime soon. As unrealistic as that sounds.
Sorry this isn't a real lesson today, guys. I'll try to do 1 soon. As always, though I doubt there will be about any of my personal bullshit, leave all you questions or anything in the comments and keep the emails coming! Now I'm gonna try to find something cheap to eat and a place up high.